An Honest Conversation with a broken person

Sometimes things are hard to talk about, but very few things are better left unsaid.  Honesty really is the key to happy life and relationships, but one of the people we are most often not honest with is ourselves .  We walk around sometimes in a daze thinking everything is okay when sometimes things are just NOT okay!  How many of us live day to day with worries, doubts, and fears, and even worse the fear of sharing this with someone because we are afraid that we will be found out.  So many times the things we struggle with are made even worse when we try to deal with them on our own. Sometimes we don't even want to be honest with ourselves , because healing is painful and sometimes it is easier to just keep existing.


So time for some honesty! :)   It's freeing, and healing... right????  Honesty doesn't mean searching for pitty, it doesn't mean being the victim, it doesn't mean wanting someone else to take care of the problem for you.  Honesty is merely about making the situation real in your own eyes and allowing others around you to be able to help you heal and grow.


Todays world is terrible to shame people, to take simple problems and simple issues and make them feel like they are broken and without repair.  Self shaming has become so prevalent in today's society and while the world looks at the solution to the problem as a need for more self esteem, I do not believe that a false sense of strength and an inflated ego are going to do anything but mask the problems that so many are facing today, but HONESTY will.


So here's me being open and honest.  The last few years have down right sucked! I look back on the last few years and see the girl I love and who I was proud to be fading away through a sequence of events that I didn't ask for and certainty didn't want, but through conscious decisions I made I placed myself on the track that ended up in these places.  People don't want to talk about hard stuff, but one thing I can say is that in going through these things I have become very blunt and very honest about the hard stuff. 


So lets talk about the hard stuff....A year ago my husband and I separated due to a woman stepping in between us, and although he couldn't see what she was doing, it was obvious to me and so many others the direction she was manipulating things to go.  This on top of other issues was something that we could not recover from.  The last year has been a time of self discovery and the beginning of healing, but what I have discovered about myself is that there are thoughts and insecurities that loom deep in my heart that cause me to question myself, and so much of this comes from self shame and the shaming the world continues to lay.


But that stops TODAY!  I am starting a journey of growth, and self discovery today that I hope will impact every aspect of my life.  This newly single again thing is hard.  God didn't design marriages to fail, and so life after a broken marriage is not easy.  I feel lost, I feel lonely, I feel broken, I feel crazy!  Over the past few months  I basically have just been existing trying to cover a gaping wound with a bandage that didn't fit. The next few months will be difficult but I am going to make these changes one at a time, and for accountability I am going to blog through the process.


I finish today with this thought.  It is okay to not be perfect.  God made us who we are for a reason.  We were created with perfect talents, and personality traits to fulfill his perfect purpose for us.  Far to often though we forget that, when we struggle we see ourselves through the eyes of people around us.  Far too often we give into shaming, and negativity that is around us, we sink ourselves to that level to try to feel apart of something, when we should focus on our own "perfect" selves.