Identity in Christ ... that's where my validation should come from.

I would be willing to say that nearly every woman in this world, has gone through times in her life where all she wanted was someone to validate who she is.  Its a desire that I think is buried deep in all of us, some of us just hide it better than others.  We want someone to tell us we are beautiful, that we are doing a good job, that they are proud of us, that we make their lives better, and that we are wanted. The problem with that however, is that the people in our lives that we most desperately want validation from are just that, they are people, and just like us they are flawed.   Most women, if they are honest with themselves, will admit that who they desperately want validation from, are the men in their lives.  I truly believe that this is a desire within us that has moved from its perfect intention, of us desiring and finding our validation in God.  Marriage is a picture of Christ and his bride the church, so the desire we have for our husband, or a man who we date,  is an imperfect representation of the desires that we have for the Lord.

Last week I went through my first break up since my divorce.   It was hard enough to move past a marriage to a husband who had been unfaithful with no desire to fix things, but taking a risk and dating again was hard.  Opening myself back up and allowing someone to attempt to fill those desires was difficult because I feared getting hurt.  I desperately wanted a man to validate who I was and what he thought of me, and as great as this guy was, he couldn't do that for some reason.We realized we were looking for different things and I know what I want in a relationship and at this point in my life, I just don't want to casually date.  I want the man that God has for me and to pursue marriage and a family.. because ladies I'll admit it ... I'm not getting any younger :)  So long story short, once I walked away and realized that I was needing to focus on who I was in the Lord and trust him for what I know my heart desires and nothing less, my eyes were opened to so much more and so many things that I needed him to heal with in me.  And seeking validation in any other place than Him was one of the biggest things.   I realized that because the guy I had been dating had never once in nearly 6 months of dating ever told me I was beautiful, that I was truly beginning to doubt it myself.  I stepped back and thought ... now wait ... he never said it, but that doesn't mean he didn't think it, and it doesn't mean its not true. And even if he didn't think it ... why do I allow his opinion to dominate what I think about myself?  Far too often we allow people's opinions to shape our opinion of ourselves, instead of relying on truth.  The truth of the situation is that I should receive my validation from the Lord and what he thinks of me, and let that shape my opinion of myself and nothing else.  I should be so confident in the Lord that my heart is completely content if I never hear one word of validation or praise from a man in my life.

I truly believe the things we desire to feel validated in by a man are things that the Lord already thinks of us and things  he wants us to know about himself.   He wants us to emulate the relationship we have with him in dating and eventually marriage.   I think its okay for us to want those things from our boyfriends and husbands but If we should be looking to the Lord for our validation, we need to know what he thinks of us first and foremost.  So I am learning to find my validation in the Lord.  And you know what I found, everything I wanted a man to think of me, or to do in my life, the Lord already thinks and does.  So I know that when I can find my confidence in the Lord and his opinion of me, that a relationship with a man will be so much easier because I wont be expecting him to fill holes in me that only a God shaped puzzle piece can fill.

In studying, this is what I have found.  I share these things for those out there who may be in the same place, desiring  validation from your husband or boyfriend and you just aren't getting what you need.  Trust the Lord to fill those desires, because he is perfect and he can fill us in a way a human never can, and once he has, the overflow of that will allow you to enjoy the love and affection you receive from your husband or boyfriend so much more freely.

I am a child of God 

                             But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God,  to those who believe in His name:

John 1:12

 I am complete in Christ

                              ...and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.

                                                                      Colossians 2:10 

I am accepted

                                 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring                praise to God.

Romans 15:7

 I am created in the image of God

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; 

male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:27

I am known by God

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:5

I am chosen

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,

 His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him 

who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

1 Peter 2:9

I am His 

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.

Isaiah 43:1

He Delights in me

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great 

delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

He Loves Me

 For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

I am on his mind and He has plans for me

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts 

of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

I am the apple of his Eye

 Keep me as the apple of Your eye;
Hide me under the shadow of Your wings,

Psalm 17:8

I am his Friend

“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what

 his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all 

things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.

John 15:15

He will Never me

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such 

things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5

He will Never stop Loving me

nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate 

us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:39

He will protect me and not let anyone take me away

“And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; 

neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.

John 10:28

Now that right there is good stuff... And promises we can take to the bank.  I am trying to learn to rely on these verses and commit the ones I don't know to memory so that when I feel alone, or feel the need for validation, I know that I already have it from the only one who can give it perfectly.  I challenge you sweet friend, to find your validation in the word, from the Lord,  because it is the only validation that will give you the perfect peace you are chasing after.